Before reviewing the co-dependency checklist, it is important to look at these behaviors as they relate to your loved one’s behaviors and addiction.  For example, a father may read #7 of the controlling co-dependency column and say: “That’s not me,” which may be so in a particular case.  However, not wanting to do an intervention by thinking he can talk his son or daughter into treatment because dad knows what’s best–that would be an example of co-dependency.  A mother may say: “I don’t feel guilty when I say no,” and to most people in society, that may ring true.  But when her son or daughter pressures her for $20 and the keys to the car, she may surrender out of guilt.  Again, please view these behaviors in regards to specific situations in your home with your loved one and not your behavior outside of that.

Enabling Co-Dependency

  1. I make excuses for my son or daughter’s behavior and actions
  2. I feel guilty when I say no to my child
  3. I spend much of my time pretending things are fine, and say my son or daughter without outside help
  4. I do things for my child even when I don’t want to or I know it isn’t right
  5. My fear determines what I say or do
  6. I worry more about my child’s happiness than my own
  7. I rarely set boundaries that benefit me while also holding my child accountable in the situation

Controlling Co-Dependency

  1. I judge people and things as right or wrong, good or bad
  2. I feel better when I solve problems for my son or daughter
  3. I have difficulty expressing certain feelings like grief, love, anger, and fear
  4. I have difficulty asking others for help on how to handle the situation
  5. I sometimes rage in anger to get my point across
  6. I like to distract myself (TV, work, etc.) often to my own disadvantage
  7. I usually think I know what’s best for other people

Avoiding Co-Dependency

  1. Criticism and disapproval easily hurt my feelings
  2. I try to avoid conflict with my child
  3. I don’t talk about the problem with others
  4. I frequently think it is my fault (guilt)
  5. I feel uncomfortable and lonely when I am with others (my mind is on my child)
  6. I frequently feel less than others and at times feel better when others have it worse than I do
  7. I tend to withdraw when there is conflict with my son or daughter

Enmeshed Co-Dependency

  1. We do everything together
  2. I believe that if I can get my child to change, the problems will be solved
  3. When my son or daughter is upset, I am upset
  4. I have trouble being alone without keeping busy
  5. I put my own interests and hobbies aside to focus on sharing my child’s
  6. I usually don’t know what to ask or say to my son or daughter
  7. It is important to the family that our loved one make the family proud
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