Physical and emotional pain tends to plague the people that have addicted loved ones. It is this very pain that contributes to codependency. Codependents generally feel helpless and find that their day revolves mostly around the addicted individual. It is a web that unravels quite quickly and the codependents often feel like they can rescue the addicted loved one.
The difficult thing about codependency is that it is delivered with the warmest and caring intentions but in reality codependents only make the problem escalate by lying for them and providing them with money and also by making excuses for it. This just fuels the dysfunction.
Codependents are inspired by love but in return the payback is anxiety, worry and guilt. This is because addiction is a chronic disease so this individual is truly ill. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love you because they do but they are unable of showing their true feelings because of their illness.
Addicted people become very dependent on their codependent
They already know that the codependent will take care of their needs and this alleviates any pressure from them and allows their addiction to thrive. While this is going on and they have this out they usually never seek help, according to Bipolar Central.
This means now that you, the codependent, must pull back and cut off all help in order for your loved one to get the help that they so need. This means that you do absolutely nothing for them unless it includes them reaching out for recovery.
Doing this may make you feel a bit apprehensive and uneasy but it is the only way. You have to allow your addicted loved one to bottom out. Their bottoming out is the first step in their attempt to recover. You cannot save them and you cannot continue to catch them when they fall.
Codependency is a learned behavior and to end it you have to unlearn it.
Understand that they will never get better as long as you keep helping them and covering for them. Addiction and codependency thrive off of each other like fire and air. Take one away and the other will eventually die off. Psychotherapy, support groups, family therapy, and other forms of therapy work very well.
You have to break the cycle so you can start feeling better about yourself. Doing this is most effective when you seek the help of professionals because the hold is hard to break. If you get help and your loved one sees no alternative but to get help you will have created a win win situation that will enhance your life and possibly save theirs.