Intervention Services for Families & Their Loved Ones Experiencing Mental Health Disorders, Alcohol, and Drug Addiction
How to Help Someone Struggling with Addiction or Mental Health
A wise man once said, “Do one thing and do it well, because when you spread yourself too thin, you lose your vision and purpose.”
Family First Intervention specializes in alcohol & drug addiction intervention, mental disorder intervention, and, of course, dual diagnosis intervention, which is primarily most of our cases. The primary purpose of what we do is to help the family and their loved one address their loved one’s problem, overcoming their fears and anxiety.
Our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®)Intervention Services & Family Recovery Program helps families help their loved ones. Families often search for ways to provide help to their loved ones. We examine why the intended patient is not seeking help themselves. It is not about when they want help, but whether they must address their problem. What paralyzes people from doing an intervention isn’t the fear of the situation; it’s the fear of the change. If the anxiety they’ve put on the situation creates a fear greater than the situation, families stay where they are, in the distorted reality of a safe place. It is the same concept for the intended patient, your loved one. How can they live any other way, and how do they continue to avoid discomfort? Let me explain.
“Families often mistake familiarity with solution and comfort. Families and their loved ones alike are not so much afraid of doing something different; they are more afraid of what will happen when they do.”
You have the situation of your loved one abusing substances or having a mental disorder or both, and it’s real. You see it. Anxiety is what amplifies a problem, but it isn’t real. The ifs, ands, or buts. The woulda, coulda, shouldas. And families will put themselves into such a frenzy of anxiety that they will scare themselves off from confronting the situation, and then their only recourse is to go back and stay in the fear. Think about that.
The best thing you can do—and what we help you with—is to stay in the here and now, reduce your reactivity toward your loved one, and address the different opinions and family roles within a family system. We help you realize that making an effective unknown change can not and will not be worse than the way you are living now.
Not all intervention services companies are created equal. When we started our Family Intervention Services program, we knew the need was not just about getting someone help but also about why they were not changing and accepting help. Many interventionists focus only on talking the intended patient into treatment. We look at why they won’t go to treatment and how family change can encourage and expedite them in accepting help and going to treatment.
Very few interventionists provide insight into why the intended patient is not interested in addressing the problem. That’s what we do, and that’s what our intervention services consist of. Many tell you your loved one has to want help. We know they have to realize they need help.
Our intervention services provide families with in-depth psycho education and insight into both family and substance use and mental disorder behavior. We provide insight and help to answer the number one question families ask: “What if our loved one says no during the intervention.”
We provide support if your loved one attempts to discharge from treatment against medical advice.
We aim to help your loved one arrive at a treatment facility that considers the family’s needs as equally necessary as your loved one’s. We escort your loved one to treatment after they accept help. Families will benefit when they trust the process.
Intervention services are designed to help families address the thinking problem you have developed due to your loved one teaching you how this should be going. How I’ll explain that is: you have been beaten over the head with illogical ideas and thought for so long by other family members and your loved one that your ability to formulate logic has been lost. I say this in many of my videos. Then your fear runs away into anxiety.
All family members ask, “What if they say no?” Most families say no for the same reasons their loved ones do; our intervention services address that. And it all comes down to their fear of not wanting to give up their lifestyle and substances. And your fear of not letting go of what you know how to do—and that’s stay where you are.
Because at the end of the day, the unknown anxiety that you have—or the unknown, which creates the anxiety—is what paralyzes both you and your loved one from moving forward. That’s what our intervention services address.
Not to mention codependency, enabling, reactivity, family systems, addiction behavior—all of those things are covered. But for right now, our intervention services’ primary goal is to get you past your fears, through your anxieties, so that you can say yes to an intervention—so we can turn your loved one’s “no” to treatment into a “yes.”
Mental Health Disorders, Alcohol, and Drug Addiction Intervention Services
Mental Health Disorders, Alcohol, and Drug Addiction Intervention Services
How Family First Intervention Services Compares to Other Intervention Companies
Many intervention services companies offer coached interventions, drug and alcohol monitoring, sober coaching, sober monitoring, sober escorts, and so forth. We have looked into these services, which are all expensive, and some are blatant money grabs that fail to address the problem’s root cause. Some have tried to reinvent the wheel, while others have sought easier, softer solutions to present to the family, hoping they will accept seemingly straightforward shortcuts. These services focus on persons with substance use or mental disorders and do little or nothing for their families, other than feeding the codependent narrative and kicking the can down the road by ignoring the inevitable need to address family behaviors and dysfunction. If you have to monitor your loved one or pay for his or her sponsor, you are not helping yourself. Waiting for the results of a test to detect alcohol or drugs is not how a family recovers, especially since behaviors drive addiction and not the results of a test. If your loved one needs transport to a treatment center other than for medical reasons, you need an intervention. Our point is that sometimes we understand the need for certain services; indeed, none of the items above are the first line of action or stand-alone sustainable solutions. We have found that nothing increases the likelihood of a successful outcome more than helping the family reach a healthy place in their own behaviors, thoughts, and actions. Once this is accomplished, everything starts falling into place.
The Family Should Be Included in the Addiction and Mental Health Treatment Process
A missing piece in modern-day treatment is incorporating the family into the solution, but very few treatment centers have effective programs for families. We only work with treatment centers that help families set boundaries, hold their loved ones accountable, and encourage family growth and recovery. Many of today’s treatment empowers patients and allow them to believe they are the most knowledgeable and qualified to determine their wants and needs. Some parts of this are accurate, but not the part relying on patients for honest or accurate information while deferring to them on what they think is the best treatment plan for success. Treatment has changed over the last twenty years. As with healthcare, it has become increasingly corporate and streamlined. Insurance companies are no longer managed care; they are cost managers. Think about your experiences in healthcare twenty years ago versus now. To learn more about what to look for in a treatment center and how treatment centers have changed, please view our article and video on what to look for in a treatment center when seeking an intervention for addiction or mental health.
Common Objections We Experience with Families of Mental Health Disorders, Addicts, and Alcoholics
Having done addiction and mental disorder interventions since 2005, we have identified some absolutes.
They are:
- Family members are always on different pages, and at least one, often two or more, will sabotage future calls, conference call consultations, and intervention discussions. Family members may be on the same page about knowing something needs to change, but they are always on different pages about what that something should be.
- Families come up with more excuses and objections to not allow the intervention than their loved ones do to avoid treatment. This comes through clearly during the initial call and conference call. If we succeed in even getting the family onto a conference call, they struggle even harder to cross the finish line than at any other point in the intervention services process. Maladaptive, dysfunctional family roles are fully displayed during these interactions.
- Families will struggle mightily after an intervention is scheduled and until we arrive for the intervention. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, a sense of losing control of the situation – all the objections resurface.
- The face-to-face intervention is the easiest part of the process.
- After the intervention, it will be a challenging aspect for families. At this phase of the intervention services process, the behaviors seen on the conference call and before the interventionist arrives will intensify until the family starts to see light at the end of the tunnel.
Other absolutes that are diversions include excuses and objections. When we intervene with loved ones, they say yes or no.
When they say no, countless excuses are made, and numerous objections are heard:
- They want to feel in control of the current situation because they have lost control of their lives.
- They fear change.
- They do not want to stop using alcohol or drugs, nor do they want to change their behavior or mental state.
- They do not believe the family will follow through with what they say at the intervention.
- The intended patient subconsciously wants to return to familiarity because they believe it is a solution and is comforting.
To put this into perspective, the family will behave in the same way as their loved one if treatment is refused:
- They want to control the call with displaced emotional questions and objections because they have lost control of the situation brought to our attention.
- They fear change.
- They do not want to challenge or change their dysfunctional behavior or family roles, such as letting go of the comforting alcohol or drug of choice for their loved one.
- They do not believe they can live differently.
- The family subconsciously wants to return to familiarity because they believe it is a solution and is comforting.
The number one question families ask is, What if they say no at the intervention? Families ask this question even as they give every excuse and objection for not doing an intervention or poking holes in the idea that an intervention can work. They ask this question because they know, deep inside, that they are acting like their loved one. Family members become extensions of one another regardless of the role they have acquired, including the role of the substance user or loved one with mental health disorders.
“Remember, when you ask us “what if they say no?”, you show us who is running the show. Your loved one needs you more than you need dealing with the addiction, untreated mental health issues, and behaviors. “What if they say no?” is a question we should be asking your family. Your loved one should be more worried about you saying no than you are about the loved one saying no to you.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
We have divided our intervention services into sections. Before reading these, you may want to read our family roles section by clicking the highlighted text to better inform you about what you are up against. Hint: it isn’t your loved one. The family will be the most challenging part of the entire process.
The Intervention Services Process
Most interventionists will discuss the intervention programs and processes, as well as the interaction with the intended patient. Although this is a crucial part of the process, we understand the bigger picture and what is most challenging. The most difficult part is moving the family past their initial call to us to a conference call and, finally, to a scheduled intervention. The challenges resurface and intensify after the in-person, face-to-face part of the intervention. Families fear the interaction between the interventionist, the loved one, and the family, but in reality, that is the least complicated part.
Before we break down our intervention services, we want to set the tone for something we view as non-negotiable. As interventionists, addiction and mental health professionals, and treatment agencies look to reinvent the wheel, there is one undisputed absolute. It is not found in textbooks of higher education, nor is it understood by those who learn about addiction and mental health in textbooks. Although textbooks gently touch on the subject, the explanations given there leave the door open to interpretation while defending and validating the intended patient’s behavior, with little regard for how the loved one’s actions affect others and society at large. The absolute we are referring to is derived from experience, going back to 2005 when we began delivering intervention services.
“No one with addiction and mental health struggles accepts help, wants help, or asks for help when things are going well. No one asks for help or wants help when provided comfort and is enabled and encouraged while acting out negative behavior.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
Many people confuse the CRAFT model with the absolute discussed above. The CRAFT model does not encourage affirmation and respect for negative behavior. Rather, it focuses on positive reinforcement instead of negative consequences. Many people translate this as having to be accepting of negative behaviors, even when the substance user is acting out and taking advantage of you and your time. This belief is false and dangerous. We must look at the second stage of change, the part that textbooks get right, and the turning point in the recovery process when the intended patient recognizes that the consequences outweigh maintaining the status quo. Until that occurs, the intended patient neither asks for help nor wants it.
Consequences must be imposed because, without them, change cannot occur. They are needed whether a family intends to accept them or not. Some professionals disagree with this assessment, but shouldn’t, since they know it’s true. As long as the intended patient fixates on the short-term benefits of substance use and not the long-term negative consequences, the family will be waiting a long time for their loved one to want help, ask for help, or hit bottom. What the family members should be looking for is when they hit their bottom. Please consider as well the benefit your loved one sees in substance use as a way to self-medicate underlying mental disorders.
Initial Caller/Inquiry
Most of the time, if the decision to pursue addiction and mental health intervention services was made by the initial caller, the content of this article and many other pages of our website would not be needed. Half of our content deals with maladaptive, dysfunctional family roles, excuses families make, enabling, and codependency. After that first contact, the original caller discusses the findings and the conversation with others in the family. At this point, we lose the majority of families altogether. Fortunately, we can confer with other key family members during the first call if they are willing, but the majority are not. Most of the time, we are unable to reconnect with the original caller. When we succeed in getting the original caller back on the phone, we are told that other family members are not on board, which is the opposite of what most say on the initial call. This occurs because some family members who are unwilling to speak to us are nonetheless benefiting from the situation as it is, or believe they should be in charge. Most of them would express disbelief upon reading or hearing this, but if it were not true, ask yourself how we know this and why the other family members refuse to take a call with a professional to learn what can be done.
The initial caller often experiences Pre-therapy Change, a phenomenon that allows the person to feel better simply for having made the call. A perfect example is when people make a doctor’s appointment and, in so doing, feel psychologically better. And yet, they have done nothing but make an appointment. The difference is that most people go to that doctor’s appointment without the baggage or negative influence of psychologically unwell family members. In cases of addiction and mental health, some family members make it a point to go out of their way to sabotage the intervention in order to feed their dysfunctional role. Sometimes, the original caller makes the call merely to receive the pre-therapy change effect. Some people call our office to talk without intending to do anything about the situation. That is ok. We are here to help, and the reasons for not moving forward soon become apparent, whether it is the first caller just going through the motions or others sabotaging the caller’s efforts. The reason for this is rooted in the family’s dysfunction: they do not want to let go of the status quo because they are receiving some benefit from not addressing the situation. Families who call our office often do not hear our solution; they listen and view us as trying to interfere with theirs. Families want to know how we are going to talk their loved one into treatment, but do not want to hear what they should be looking at within themselves and what they need to change. If that is all the family really wants, they should attend a local Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous meeting and ask the members to perform a twelve-step call, which, by the way, they can receive at no charge. We recommend never paying an interventionist who will only do what a twelve-step call does for free. Beware of the interventionist who charges money only to talk your loved one into treatment.
Conference Call
Click here to watch this video about which family members should be involved in the intervention process before reading the conference call section. If you still need to review the family roles section (link above), do so before reading the conference call section. These articles are not meant to guilt or shame you; they are intended to help you understand that the family will be the greatest challenge of the entire intervention services process. The intended patient will be the least challenging part of the process.
In therapy, “The Miracle Question” is an effective intervention in solution-focused therapy. The question asks the family what it would be like if the problem went away entirely today. Families struggle to formulate an answer, and when they do, they do so in a maladaptive way. They say how wonderful it would be, yet during the call with us, they come up with every reason why that would not be possible. We know that most families would be terrified if the Miracle occurred. Some reading this may be angered that we would say such a thing. When addiction and mental health problems enter the family system, maladaptive and dysfunctional family roles form to adapt to the problem. The roles become family members’ security blankets, and ripping those blankets away with an immediate solution would cause everyone to squirm. Humans are creatures of habit, and no one likes change, even when it is for the better—but never when it is an abrupt change.
“Consider this: it took a long time for the family to get here. If The Miracle question were asked in reverse, you would never answer it with what is actually happening with your loved one. In other words, if I asked you, assuming you all had a pretty great life, what would you do if the current problems had materialized in a day? Your answer would be in no way similar to what you have done to adapt over time, bringing you to where you are now. Most of you would insist that you would never allow that happen, how you would nip it in the bud. But here you are, and you didn’t do that because the current situation developed slowly over time, eating away at you methodically and insidiously.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
Consider the same question from the intended patient’s perspective. How did things get this bad? Why weren’t the problems addressed earlier? The loved one hasn’t fixed the problems for the same reason your family hasn’t and won’t. The bottom line is this: things get worse faster than we can lower our standards. If I took the average person off the street or even your loved one before there were any problems and asked them the Miracle question in reverse, the response would be the same as the family’s; each would do something about it much sooner and would not allow things to get this bad. However, things have been allowed to worsen, but you can do something about it now. And yet, here the family is at the intervention, fighting the help being offered. I could ask why, but now you know why.
A powerful tool to help families understand dysfunction and excuses is to ask them to complete a Payoff Matrix. Our intervention services curriculum uses the payoff matrix in our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Program, which everyone receives at the intervention. It examines whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages of implementing an intervention. There will always be more advantages than disadvantages to doing an intervention. The payoff matrix also reveals that family members’ dysfunctional roles are running the show. The same applies from the loved one’s perspective regarding the advantages and disadvantages of using substances and addressing mental disorders.
Here are the four questions that apply to the family and the intended patient:
- What are the advantages of addressing the problem?
- What are the disadvantages of addressing the problem?
- What are the advantages of not addressing the problem?
- What are the disadvantages of not addressing the problem?
You can configure it in various ways, such as replacing the problem with an intervention, seeking treatment, not using the substance, being medication-compliant, enabling, and so forth. Acting out dysfunctional family roles or having your loved one continue with the addiction or mental health struggles will never win out in the payoff matrix.
What often happens after the conference call is called “Family Roles Fight the Intervention.” Many decide to proceed, but some are unwilling to let go of the old way of doing things, despite the necessity of doing so. Until a family concedes this must occur, they cannot allow new ideas in, such as a plan to recover from substances. Treatment centers help you abandon destructive behaviors and ideas to adopt new ones.
“You cannot live in the old mindset and simultaneously change your mind. A substance user cannot have a great life while using substances or without treating mental health issues. Substance users would like to, but it is not possible, and the same applies to a family. The family cannot improve or find peace until they have decided to let go of their old ideas and make room for new ideas.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
Before moving on, other matters surface during a conference call. These are in addition to the excuses and objections families raise for not doing or delaying an intervention (see the resources section of our website). The link is also provided at the top of this section.
- “That guy/girl (i.e., the intake person on the phone call) is a salesman.” The person saying that is an actual salesman and a much better one than we are. If someone in your family says such a thing, that is advocacy against the intervention and clinging to the dysfunctional family role. There should be no conversation here. Families know they have to do the intervention and yet ask countless questions to convince themselves that the intervention services process has holes, and that when we answer their questions, we’re merely
“Replace the words addiction and mental health with any other problem, and you have to wonder whether the family would ask the same questions and fight the process this hard? Even if similar questions are asked, the answers are irrelevant as to whether or not they address the problem. For example, what are your success rates? The same question is not asked of the doctor when someone has cancer, and the answer does not stop anyone from doing everything they can to beat the odds. No matter how doctors answer, nobody considers them salesmen.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
- He went to treatment, sober living, then AA, and a private therapist. None of that worked for him, so there’s no use in trying that again.
- Treatment doesn’t work.
- It will be a waste of money, and the intervention will never work.
- We want to start him on outpatient so it doesn’t take him away from his family/kids, or his job.
- Our [insert family member] is not on board, and this won’t work without that person.
- We are going to bring the loved one to a psychiatrist/therapist/marriage counselor, and an intervention isn’t going to help the situation.
- He will never go/say yes.
- He will get mad.
- This will push him over the edge.
Consider this analogy as a way to summarize what the family is going through. Imagine your family is in prison, and the warden says you are all free to go. The warden opens the cell door and the front gates, but no one leaves. The inmates are unsure whether they should walk out, but why? The inmates hesitate to accept the freedom being offered, aren’t sure they deserve it, do not remember what freedom is like, and have been dependent on the prison for so long that they are unsure they can function outside the chaos, drama, and routine of what their lives have become over the last five to ten years. A few inmates try to leave, but others try to talk them out of leaving. In the current situation, these are your family members trying to sabotage your intervention and freedom, but why? Because they do not know how to live any other way, and because they are benefiting in some way from staying in prison. If you leave prison and they stay, what happens to them? What happens to you? Other family members/inmates will try to selfishly and out of dysfunction talk you out of leaving. They are more concerned with what happens to them than happy for you to have found freedom. If you leave and get better, what indeed happens to them, and what does that say about how they have been doing things?
The example above may appear far-fetched. If it is unrealistic, why are family members building roadblocks as you attempt to help your loved one? The reality is if we gave this option to inmates with substance use or mental disorders, eight or nine out of ten would leave the prison, and yet in our analogy, only one in ten of the family members would leave.
“What we are saying is what you will discover throughout this article. Families are voluntary hostages free to detach and do things differently at any time. With that said, it is ten times more challenging to help a family than it is to help a person with a substance use or mental disorder.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
Agreeing to and Scheduling the Intervention & Treatment (How the Intervention is Set Up)
Once the family agrees to the intervention services and completes the necessary paperwork, we move to the next stage. In addition to what we have already learned, further discussion ensures that all bases are covered.
To that end, we address three areas:
- Family Questionnaire – We send the family a simple document to determine who should attend both days of the intervention. Sometimes, it is determined that specific family members should be present on the first day but not on the second. Rarely is there a time when someone can participate in the intervention who did not join the family day preparation. Regarding the intended patient, several questions are asked using ASAM (American Society of Addiction Medicine) and DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association) criteria. Both organizations use assessment instruments to determine the severity of the problem, develop a treatment plan, and the like.
- Treatment Plan – Once the family completes the assessment, the case is moved to the clinical director and the CEO of Family First Intervention. You are presented with a treatment plan. You speak to the center to ensure everything is worked out beforehand. We do not move to logistics or come to your home until that part is completed. When our interventionist arrives, there is a job to be done, and completing it ahead of time takes the stress and worry out of the process. It also keeps the family from mentally taking on too much at once. Our step-by-step intervention services process is designed to keep you sane during a volatile time. Our team also decides who your interventionist will be.
- Logistics – Travel arrangements are made, and dates are confirmed. We also discuss where we will meet the family on the first day. During logistics, we ensure you know what, when, where, why, and how everything will occur.
The time between completing the assessment, treatment plan, logistics, and the interventionist’s arrival can be difficult for some. As the reality of what is about to happen sets in, families often start to backpedal, and the dysfunctional family roles surface, i.e., fighting to stay sick while clinging to the status quo. The feeling results from the fear of change, loss of control, and the uncertainty of the unknown. By now, we have done as much as possible to comfort you during the process, and we know we may have to hold your hand until we get there. We are always open to your questions during this phase and may ask you to look at things differently. Some may be offended by how we address you at this time, but it is in your best interest. Remember, our intervention services are at least as much for your family as for your loved one. As soon as the interventionist arrives, we know you will be ok. We know this because every time our interventionist arrives on the scene, we stop hearing from you, and you settle in. Once present, our professional will start going through the S.A.F.E (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Program, and the big picture comes into focus. Our intervention services company is named Family First Intervention for a reason.
Common Intervention Questions That May Arise
Here are some of the questions that may arise. We are happy to help you process the roller coaster of your emotions, and we welcome your questions.
Please note: the following questions are among the most frequently asked.
- How do we manage or “not manage” our loved one up to the intervention?
- Do I take away the alcohol or drugs?
- What about his/her job?
- Should we tell his psychiatrist?
- Should we call the probation/parole officer?
- Should we include certain people, such as friends and his high school football coach, in this process?
- What do the aforementioned bring to treatment?
- Do I take away the car now?
- Should I ask our loved one to move out before the intervention?
- Something was stolen from me. Do I confront him now or wait?
- Do we tell him about the intervention?
- Will this make him mad?
- What if we can’t find him?
- How will you find him?
- What if he storms out of the room?
- Is there a danger of violence?
- Should we stop the enabling now?
- Should we give him money?
- Should we pay his bills?
- Should we remove his drugs/medication?
These are good questions. Your fear and doubt reveal that you are emotionally charged. The interventionist reviews everything on site, and again, we try to answer all your questions before we get there. You may ask many of the same questions at this stage as you did during the conference call, and itis okay. We understand.
The Treatment Center Selection Process
“One last part to note in this stage is the treatment plan. Families may start to unravel during the selection of the treatment center. The treatment center can become a major point of anxiety before and following the intervention. It can become so serious that we include a section dedicated to this phenomenon in the intervention psychoeducation material. “Changing the treatment center after the intervention has never changed the outcome, nor will it change the outcome before the intervention.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
The selection of the treatment center is covered in more detail below. For now, all a family must understand is why we selected a specific treatment center. Treatment centers are highly similar. They all try to impress you with their differences, on how they are better than the others, but all treatment centers offer similar programming and evidence-based treatment.
“Families often want several options regarding treatment centers, in search of one that will make their loved one comfortable rather than one that is effective for the intervention process and the treatment outcome. This is unnecessary. Families feel if a comfortable center is chosen, their loved one will not be as mad at them. What families are looking for when inquiring about multiple treatment centers is one that meets their needs rather than the loved one’s.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
Family First Intervention distinguishes itself from other intervention companies with our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Program. As stated above, treatment centers do not differ significantly from one another. Some have more amenities than others, and some offer options they believe enhance the chances for success. Some offer better food and accommodations, but do not offer anything profoundly different in terms of programming and therapy. In a word, nobody is reinventing the wheel in the world of addiction and mental health treatment centers. Clinicians who understand the importance of holding their clients accountable, of not seeing them as victims, not believing the client knows best, and utilizing the power of the family—these are the elements that should be the differentiator when choosing a treatment center. Bringing in a family-based program such as ours to collaborate in the process is what makes Family First Intervention different. Most centers do not have a family program, but those that do tend to be watered down and not helpful to families in ways that benefit the patient’s outcome. Treatment centers spend too much time employing ineffective therapists who side with the client without considering the family in the decision-making when formulating the treatment plan and the discharge plan. Most clinicians at treatment centers do not encourage families to set and hold boundaries. They believe that clients know best, that families should meet their loved ones “where they are,” and that they should accede to their loved ones’ resistance to change, just as most clinicians do. In our experience, successful outcomes for the family and the patient are significantly improved when a treatment center provides attention and resources to the patient’s family. Outcomes improve when clinicians do their job and do not make friends with the client. Family-imposed boundaries and accountability significantly impact treatment outcomes. Clinicians and therapists in a treatment center are the only factors that set it apart from others. The selection of a treatment center and how that experience can differ are explained below.
“The only differences among treatment centers are these: (1) the location: some are closer and some are further away from the intended patient’s environment and (2) the clinicians and therapists. Simply put, the principal predictors of outcome in treatment are the environment and the client-counselor relationship. You will never see this highlighted on a treatment center website or hear this from the admission person; what you will read and hear is largely fluff that doesn’t change the outcome.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
The In-Person Intervention / Intervention Methods & Strategies
The meeting with our interventionist and the interaction with your loved one are the least complicated parts of the process. Coincidentally, this is the part families fear the most. Most families do not want to engage in introspection, which is a significant reason why they hesitate to do an intervention. Interacting with their loved one and the uncertain outcome of that interaction brings at least as much fear, if not more, than families having to look at themselves. Families have an illusion of control up to this moment. At this point in the intervention services process, families realize they have no control over what will happen.
What to Say At The Intervention
Families understandably want to know what to say at the intervention. During the family preparation on the first day, we cover this aspect and help you with intervention letters. The last thing we want to see is families doing what they have always done, i.e., try to talk their loved one into treatment. Talking off the cuff, agitating, and negotiating with your loved one must not happen. Families often want to beg and plead with their loved ones. Do not do this. Rather, let us do the talking. When interventionists see the need or feel it is appropriate, they will strategically bring the family into the conversation. Most families want to know what the magic words are that we use to help their loved one address their mental disorders or to help their loved one quit using alcohol or drugs and say yes to treatment. Of course, there aren’t any magic words. Although our interventionists are well-trained in communication and know what to say, the intended patient will accept help or decline going to treatment based on whether the family is ready to change and move forward in a new direction. This is why all the other parts of our intervention services are essential; without them, the conversation between the interventionist, the family, and the intended patient is rarely effective. A successful intervention requires that the family deliver a message of change, not a plea or an ultimatum.
Your Loved One Will Make Excuses For Why They Don’t Need Treatment, Which Are False Perceptions
One of the reasons the interventionist is there is to address the false perceptions your loved one has and to overcome the excuses to avoid treatment. Your loved one will rarely jump from his chair and thank you for what you have done, and there will almost always be a back-and-forth between the interventionist and your loved one. The intervention methods and strategies we use all help your loved one see the need to do things differently, rather than just telling him what he must do. The last thing you ever want is to tell an intended patient what must or should be done. Your family’s implied change message states that you are doing something differently, regardless of what your loved one chooses to do. If your loved one decides to continue on his path, you are allowed and encouraged to follow your own path. As much as a family has no direct control over their loved one accepting help, almost every family has significant control over the comfort level they provide, and this can be a determining factor in someone deciding to accept help. A family must understand that they will not be coercing their loved one into treatment, nor are they proactively trying to make their loved one’s life more difficult. Families often fear they will worsen the situation or push their loved one over the edge. The only one who can aggravate the situation is your loved one by refusing help even as you offer assistance. The question we have for families is: if you were in the same position as your loved one, wouldn’t you hope someone would help you? When your children were young, did you ever consider not helping them because you feared they would get mad at you, especially if you knew what they were doing could be harmful? The point is to never be afraid to do the right or necessary thing to help another person.
“Never, never be afraid to do what’s right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society’s punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.”
Martin Luther King Jr., April 3, 1968, Memphis, Tennessee
After the intervention, your loved one will either accept help and go with our interventionist to the treatment center or decline the offer of help. Should he accept help, we move forward quickly, pack him up, and get him out the door and escort him to the treatment center. Should he refuse, we will stay an extra day to process what happened and determine next steps. Regardless of the outcome, your family is supported and encouraged to build on their recovery program.
After the Intervention
Families will struggle after an intervention, regardless of the outcome. That is why we work with treatment centers that understand the needs of an intervention client and their families. Families are almost always left in the dark when their loved one enters treatment. For those whose loved ones are still struggling, families have been led to believe that their loved one has to want help, ask for help, hit bottom, or nothing will change. We understand the impact families have on treatment outcomes. The more a family gains ground during the loved one’s recovery, the greater the likelihood of a successful outcome in the struggle against substance use or mental disorders.
We Help Families, Which Increases The Chances of Success for Your Loved One to Recover
When families move forward with our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Program, we help them understand how they arrived at this point and why they have done what they have done for so long. No other intervention company offers the insight we do, nor provides psycho-education as in-depth or with as much attention to detail. Our S.A.F.E.® Intervention Services & Family Recovery Program represents the most significant feature of Family First Intervention. Most interventionists handle a crisis when it happens. We, on the other hand, help you prevent the crisis from occurring in the first place, but we also handle the crisis should it happen, such as a treatment refusal or your loved one attempting to leave treatment early. Much of the turmoil and volatility after the intervention occurs within the family system.
“The number one enemy of families after the intervention is the same enemy prior to the intervention: reactivity to the loved one’s volatility.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
That statement has much to unpack, i.e., what causes the reactivity? The majority of it is learned behavior, along with the dysfunctional family dynamic and roles. Over time, your loved one has created chaos and drama, and each family member has found a maladaptive way to cope with it. As family members assume unhealthy roles, they see the problems and solutions differently. As a result, families find it challenging to intervene. If you want to know why a family fears an intervention, just observe how they behave and act after the intervention. It’s as though they have a subconscious awareness of how difficult the aftermath will be, which may explain why they were hesitant to do something in the first place.
Families whose loved ones refuse help at the intervention receive specific attention to improve communication with them and to negotiate other options and avenues. Families face the challenge of their loved one trying to break the family apart to revert to the way things were. We are here to help you stop that from happening. For families whose loved ones accept help, you have your own set of challenges, one of them being your loved one trying to leave treatment against medical advice (AMA). Should this occur, our staff, the treatment center, and your family will work together to address it. It is astonishing how many people we prevent from leaving treatment AMA when families follow directions and hold boundaries with their loved ones. The average AMA rate at treatment centers is approximately 40%, primarily due to the lack of family programs. With Family First Intervention, the average AMA rate is under five percent with our treatment center partners. The data comes directly from the treatment centers we work with. We are proud that treatment centers have seen the process work successfully and have chosen to have their clinicians adopt a protocol that provides the patient’s family attention, which has proven far more effective than letting clients run the show. The weaker a family program at a treatment center, the higher the AMA rate. Most treatment centers do not have family programs, nor do they understand how a professional intervention is supposed to work. We are grateful to work with a select few treatment centers that want to help clients complete treatment successfully and move on to aftercare. Successful interventions achieve more than just inspiring someone into treatment, dropping them off, and moving on.
Your family has one shot at getting this right, and we do everything we can to ensure that this one shot has every chance of succeeding. Most reading this can relate to the missing piece of including family in some of the loved one’s recovery, and can relate to a loved one going in and out of treatment without a successful outcome. The missing piece is the family’s ability to see things differently and set boundaries for their loved one, and hold them accountable for their actions and choices.
Remember, your loved one needs your enabling and comfort more than you need the chaos and drama. You will start seeing and doing things differently when you come to that realization. Reacting to the chaos and drama does not help the family or the patient. Addiction and mental health are family problems. If you only address the intended patient, you are addressing only a small part of the equation, leaving out those who are part of the problem and have been affected. We are not saying that the family is the cause of the problem. But we are saying that the family often contributes to the problem worsening by attempting non-professional and ineffective solutions.
We look forward to helping you see that, by putting your family first, we not only empower your family but also empower your loved one to recognize the need for change.
“Until your loved one sees the consequence of unhealthy behavior and choices a greater burden than the illusion of benefits by maintaining the status quo, nothing will change.”
Mike Loverde, MHS, CIP
To learn more about our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Program, please click here.
Watch More About Our Services
Mental Health Disorders, Addiction, and Dual Diagnosis Intervention
Understanding Alcoholism in Families
An intervention is not about how to control your loved one with a substance use or mental health disorder; it is about learning how to let go of believing you can.
All Those Connected to the Addiction and the Mental Health Disorder can Benefit from our Family Intervention Services
Consulting Family and Close Friends on Addiction and Mental Health
Your family and friends have good intentions. Hopefully, all of them would like the substance user to recover and the family to stop suffering. Unfortunately, those closest to the situation are often overwhelmed, and the approaches they suggest as solutions may be based on biased insights. Our services encourage all those affected to be part of the process. Many are unaware how much they are affected until after the intervention has occurred, at which point they are overwhelmed with emotion. The one seeking to take charge unwittingly plays the hero role with a solution that ultimately results in punishment for the substance user. The martyr who asks for help is also the voice that had obstructed the intervention, fearing personal consequences if the loved one is away at treatment or refuses help.
Our intervention services are geared to help families heal, not to be shamed or have guilt inflicted upon them for the way they have handled the situation.
We understand how and why you are where you are. We look forward to showing you a solution from a different perspective.
Our drug addiction intervention services, alcoholic intervention services, mental health disorder intervention services, and family recovery coaching are designed to address two problems:
1. The substance user’s problem with drugs, alcohol, mental health, or a dual diagnosis.
2. The family system that is operating in a counterproductive way, distancing family members as well as the substance user from an effective solution.
